Parenting 101: How schools are reaching out to teach their students’ first teachers 

On March 15, 2007, Santa Barbara residents were shocked when a baby-faced 15-year-old high school student was stabbed to death on a sunny weekday afternoon in the heart of the city’s fashionable State Street shopping district. His assailant, just 14, was a member of a rival street gang and a student at the local junior high.

It was a minimum day for local students, and gang members were out in force on the city’s main shopping thoroughfare—armed with broken bottles and looking for a fight.

“It was a wakeup call for the entire community, schools included,” recalls Santa Barbara schools Superintendent Brian Sarvis. “Those were our boys.”

Although gang violence rarely erupted on campus, it had become increasingly common on the streets of this affluent community known more for shopping, sun and surfing than for street crime. But the town was in denial. When police visited the homes of the accused assailants, they discovered that most parents had no idea their children were involved in gangs and were oblivious to obvious clues that their sons were in trouble.

Reaching these disaffected teenagers and helping their parents combat the addictive lure of the streets had become a matter of life and death, and it was clear that local schools needed to be part of the equation.

“People stood up and said, ‘We will not stand still any longer,’ ” says Eduardo Cue, director of delinquency prevention for the Council on Drug and Alcohol Dependency, which conducts intervention programs like the Parent Program and Teen Court in conjunction with public schools in Santa Barbara, Capistrano and San Luis Obispo. “We saw we had to take our kids back.”

In Santa Barbara and elsewhere in California, schools are intensifying their focus on families as a way to help students thrive. Parent effectiveness training is becoming an increasingly common extracurricular school program—even in these difficult economic times. In fact, soaring unemployment and cuts in social safety-net programs make it even more imperative that schools find ways to help students and their families cope with stress. 

Schools lend parents a hand

This fall, the Los Angeles Unified School District became the first district in the state to offer new curriculum designed specifically for families affected by gang violence under terms of The Parental Accountability Act, which took effect in January.

The new law gives juvenile court judges the latitude to require that parents and guardians of children who have been convicted of gang-related crimes attend parent effectiveness training and meet with victims of gang violence and their families. Assembly Member Tony Mendoza, D-Norwalk, who authored the law, says he hopes every adult school in the state will eventually offer the anti-gang parenting curriculum, although the state’s budget crisis has stalled statewide implementation. The state’s largest district, he says, can serve as a model for the rest of the state.

“It’s clear that parents and guardians have serious challenges addressing the disciplinary needs of their children,”  Mendoza says. “We cannot afford to look the other way.”

Of course, programs for families are certainly nothing new for California public schools, and parents whose children join gangs are not the only ones who sometimes could use a hand understanding and managing their kids.

California’s public school students are the most diverse in the nation, and schools offer a range of services to help families from different cultural backgrounds understand how our public schools work. A growing number of elementary schools offer kindergarten-readiness programs that include incoming students, their siblings, parents and grandparents—many of them immigrants or English learners. Families with teenagers at home often seek help weathering the turmoil that can accompany adolescence. Most adult schools that are operated by local school districts and county offices of education offer some type of parent-effectiveness curriculum.

Parents of children with all manner of special needs have also relied on their local schools for help managing everything from chronic illnesses like asthma and diabetes to autism, learning disabilities and physical limitations.

Obviously, schools cannot serve as the primary support for families. There are scores of community and religious organizations, government welfare and social services agencies and private practitioners who specialize in child development and family dynamics to assist struggling parents and troubled children. Some critics, including some parents, argue that raising children is strictly a family affair. In their view, schools should stick to academics and focus exclusively on classroom-based services. It’s also true that schools sometimes have to convince parents to back off and let their children fail and learn from their mistakes—especially in this era of overprotective “helicopter” parents who are poised to dive in whenever their sons or daughters stumble.

But educators like Carpinteria Unified School District Superintendent Paul Cordeiro say providing family support services must be a key part of any effort to close the achievement gap between successful students and those who are floundering. The district, located in a bucolic beach community about 20 miles south of Santa Barbara, doesn’t have major gang problems. But students still need extracurricular support. “We have children who have issues related to the stresses on their families, and at some point these stresses can trump academic issues,” Cordeiro says.

Even “the best, most coherent K-12 academic program” in the world can’t work, he adds, if students are collapsing under the burden of personal or family problems. “Schools can’t just deliver a conventional K-12 education. They need to look at the whole range of services.” 

• See also "Riverside COE recruiting parents to teach parents"

Finding partners and funding

With schools grappling with the loss of billions of budget dollars over the last few years, they clearly can’t do this alone. Many districts and county offices have formed effective partnerships with community groups and nonprofit organizations to keep programs going, and—in some cases—expand services. First 5 California, a public nonprofit agency funded by a cigarette tax voters passed in 1998 to improve outcomes for preschool children, backs many of the classes geared toward new parents. Local educational agencies are also competing for government grants and expanding outreach to private foundations and individual donors.

The Carpinteria USD won a federal Safe Schools/Healthy Students grant that has provided $700,000 annually for the past four years. That grant, plus donations from private foundations and local First 5 funds, supports a drug treatment counselor, three new elementary school counselors, a youth service specialist, a peer mediation program, parent training, a family resource center and summer therapeutic counseling. Cordeiro says district services have “hit critical mass,” with programs for everyone from pregnant teens and their unborn children to parents whose “kids” are almost adults. Unfortunately, the Safe Schools grant runs out this fiscal year, and Cordeiro says he doesn’t know how the district will fill the gap.

There are other sources of funds to support parent education, including federal Title III funds for immigrant families and English learners, categorical funds that until recently were earmarked for pregnant girls and young parents and their children; and state Gang Reduction Intervention and Prevention grants. Grants have obvious disadvantages; applying is time-consuming, and funding waxes and wanes or disappears altogether.

Parent Project

One program that’s growing rapidly in schools and other community, law enforcement and religious organizations is the Parent Project, a parent effectiveness program that promises to dramatically improve adult-teen relationships and reduce risky teenage behavior. The Santa Barbara School Districts have adapted and modified the program to work locally and offers free classes, but many school- and community-based Parent Project classes charge a modest fee, and that has cut parent participation in some areas.

The program got its start more than 20 years ago, when a Pomona policeman began having trouble with his adolescent son. He asked a psychologist to help him create a class for parents struggling with their teens’ substance abuse. The format was a hit with parents hungry for support and advice; it soon spread to other communities and, eventually, to other states and countries. Communities using the program have seen significant reductions in school expulsions and juvenile offenses, according to information posted on the program website (parentproject.com), which also includes many testimonials from parents who say the classes have helped them forge more peaceful and positive relationships with their children.

Program founder Ralph “Bud” Frye, who was on the advisory committee to design curriculum for the new anti-gang classes that are part of the new Parent Accountability Act, says his is the largest court-mandated juvenile diversion program in the country. The project website lists nearly 50 “facilitators” offering classes throughout the state. Frye estimates there are at least 6,000 teachers leading classes nationally.

A version of this curriculum for parents with younger children, called “Loving Solutions,” offers classes in both English and Spanish. It’s popular with districts that are reaching out to families when students are very young. Classes include help for parents whose children have been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder.

In Sacramento County’s Twin Rivers Unified School District, as in many other districts throughout the state, parents are often referred to Parent Project classes by a School Attendance Review Board or Student Success Team intervening in their child’s case because of truancy or behavior problems.

Overwhelmed parents

Some parents are too busy, too overwhelmed or too timid to enforce any rules. Many parents “have no clue how to discipline kids,” says Marilyn Elliott, a junior high teacher who facilitates the program for Twin Rivers. She’s seen parents simply give up when their teens become defiant, allowing illegal behavior because they simply don’t know how to stop it.

“At the classes they learn that the techniques that work well on compliant children won’t work on stubborn, strong-willed ones,” says Elliott.

It’s true that sometimes parents can’t control their children, she adds with a sly smile—but they can control everything else in the house. She tells of one mother, frustrated that she couldn’t get her son to clean his bathroom, who simply turned off the water at the meter one day while he was in the shower, presumably all soaped up.

But for many parents, the issues are far more serious than a dirty sink. Their children are running away, skipping school, taking drugs, drinking and getting involved with gangs. As the Santa Barbara State Street killing demonstrated when police arrived at some teens’ homes, many parents are shocked to see what’s actually in their children’s rooms.

“They didn’t think they had a right to go into their children’s rooms,” says Cue, the drug council prevention specialist who directs Santa Barbara’s Teen Court program.

Weighing the evidence

Ample research has shown that children who are disciplined by being hit or slapped are more likely to grow up to be violent adults. Parenting classes can show parents how to influence behavior without screaming or physical abuse, and provide a reassuring opportunity for dialogue with other families in a similar situation.

Julia Weber has seen the evidence. As a supervising attorney at the Center for Families, Children and the Courts, a policy division of the administrative office of California’s superior court system, she frequently hears about the need for more family services from civil and criminal court judges and family court mediators who help parents negotiate custody and visitation agreements.

“We’ll hear a judge say, ‘I had 40 domestic violence cases on this morning’s calendar, and there just aren’t the services to help these families.’ We hear from people who need referrals to programs but can’t find them,” Weber says.

In especially short supply are Spanish-language services and programs for children and parents exposed to violence. Weber says the courts are grateful for whatever services schools can provide to help fill the gap. And, although “in an ideal society” these services would be readily available elsewhere, in this fiscal climate she acknowledges schools and the courts have to help out where they can.
Such partnerships have also developed elsewhere. Back in Santa Barbara County, students can participate in the Teen Court program to avoid criminal misdemeanor charges or to re-enroll in school after being suspended or expelled. Their parents are required to take classes to help them raise their children more effectively. Cue says the training encourages parents to keep closer tabs on their children.

“They need to know what’s in their kids’ rooms and what their kids are doing when they aren’t home,” Cue says. “They need to know their kids’ friends.”

In Shasta County, officials noticed that incidents of domestic violence were higher in their region than elsewhere in the state. Hoping to help families better cope with stress, First 5 Shasta partnered with the county’s Public Health Department, local hospitals and the Shasta Union High School District in a collaborative to increase parenting skills.

During a two-year pilot program, 100 parents participated in an eight-week parenting skills course based on a successful curriculum from Oregon. To encourage attendance, transportation and child care were provided, as well as some meals, prizes and other incentives. Called “Let’s Talk Parenting,” the course focuses on positive parenting techniques, explains Laura Hoertling, one of the program’s teachers. Parents learn what to expect of children at various stages of development and, more important, what small children cannot yet do.

“Many parents have greater expectations than their children can meet at early ages,” Hoertling says.

After discussing age-appropriate discipline and corporal punishment, parents see that “maybe [they] don’t need to beat them into submission,” says the teacher. “If a parent is calm and respectful … it automatically transfers over to how they deal with their children, who learn from their example how to be calm and in control.”

A history of violence

One of the program’s messages is that exposure to violence causes a child’s brain to develop in unhealthy ways. Whereas calm, reassuring tones build trust between parent and child, angry shouting can disrupt the relationship, setting off the brain’s “fight or flight” response. Even hearing a violent movie on television can produce a state of hyper-vigilance in a child, elevating stress hormones and reinforcing pathways to the alarm center of the brain, which may contribute to mood disorders and anxiety.

So far, the results look promising. The 55 percent of participants who completed the course reported a marked change in the way they communicated with their children—all under 5 years of age—and a notable improvement in their ability to manage their own anger.

“We hope to see the effects of these classes years from now,” says Muffy Berryhill, executive director of First 5 Shasta, although no formal follow-up is planned. The initiative’s long-range goal, Berryhill says, is to produce kids who are ready to learn—socially, emotionally and cognitively. Currently, 40 percent of the kids in Shasta County show up for kindergarten unprepared, Berryhill says.

“Parents are the first teachers, and the home is the first learning environment; that’s why the focus there is so critical,” she says.

With the pilot project—and its funding—now ended, the challenge for the partners will be to keep the classes going. The curriculum has been incorporated in the teen parenting classes at the high school, but with the state budget crisis allowing new flexibility, categorical funds for the state’s School Age Families Education Program—Cal SAFE—that keeps young parents in school could be used elsewhere in the district’s budget.

Carpinteria USD, the district south of Santa Barbara that’s currently fretting about the end of its Safe Schools/Healthy Students grant, isn’t sitting still. It recently opened a family services center on the campus of a former elementary school. The center aims to reach families before children are at risk of failing in school or developing discipline problems.

“The Parent Project and Teen Court are great but, they help parents with teenagers,” says Cordeiro, the Carpinteria Unified superintendent. “Imagine if we could reach those children earlier. We need to offer the whole range of services so we can prevent problems rather than reacting to them.”

Building trust

Olga Sasevich was working at a Sacramento-area community center that helps families with their preschool children when she was invited to a parenting class at Twin Rivers USD. While Russian immigrant parents need information about child safety laws, positive discipline and nutrition—the same as any parents—Sasevich says many are wary of official sources of that information because of stories they’ve heard about California’s Child Protective Services.

To build trust, parents are first invited to presentations about topics like car seat safety, taught in Russian by a trusted member of the community. As an added incentive, donated car seats are sometimes given away. Lured by the comfortable atmosphere among their compatriots, community members keep coming for classes on discipline, anger management, stress relief, healthy eating and exercise, and other essential topics for parents.

The effort to reach non-English-speaking parents pays off, Sasevich says. Just getting children into car seats is a tremendous accomplishment among a population that is largely unaware of the law. “It’s safer,” she says.

In Napa Valley Unified School District, classes for parents of teens draw a diverse crowd, says Madri Beinenfeld, a high school counselor who teaches a seven-week adult education course. People often come to the class on “tweenagers” because they’ve run into problems with a child cutting class, taking drugs or otherwise being defiant, she says.

Another of the district’s classes offers effective disciplinary techniques and ways to present a united front as a couple for parents of children of any age. Some of the parents served are embroiled in custody battles or have been referred by a court, while others are simply seeking information. They may have graduate degrees or very little formal education, so teaching them all at the same time requires a skillful hand.

“Parenting is a process,” Beinenfeld says. “They may have information on how to do it, but until they apply it, fail, succeed, and reevaluate … it’s a learning process that takes time. They can come back and rethink the concepts, hear them in a different way.”

Parents also receive a briefing about particular educational milestones they may not be aware of, such as how math and language instruction changes in the third grade, and the significance of meeting grade-level standards. There are also workshops to bring parents up to speed in the skills they need to help their children with homework. Even if they don’t speak English well, Beinenfeld says, parents can learn to look at books with their child, questioning them about the plot line and pictures.

For children who haven’t been to preschool or in other ways are not well prepared for kindergarten, the district also offers a three-week summer class called “First Step” to give them a taste of the academics and socialization they’ll soon experience. Meanwhile, the parents meet to learn more about how school works and to get familiar with resources available to them in the school, the district and elsewhere in the community. It’s particularly helpful to parents who aren’t fluent in English, Beinenfeld says.

The Napa adult school has been affected by budget cuts and by the categorical flexibility that gives cash-strapped districts the latitude to spend money formerly reserved for adult schools services. But the district has chosen to maintain most of its adult programs so far.

Brain research

Scientific research into the brain’s response to conflict has really lit a fire under some therapists and educators. Pleasanton marriage and family therapist John Tompkins offers an excellent example: “The Power of Green and Red Language,” his class for parents at Amador Valley High School, presented in partnership with the local PTA.

In it, Tompkins makes parents aware of habits that raise stress levels and encourage manipulative behavior while still not getting the desired response from their children.

“Kids need parents who are clear communicators so they can learn to communicate,” he says. Magnetic resonance imaging of the brain demonstrates that communication that is ambiguous and fearsome fires up the “fight or flight” response, which pinches off circuits important for learning.

“We want to save that conflict circuitry for real saber-tooth tiger action, because that’s what it was designed for,” says Tompkins, who also holds an administrative credential.

Parenting courses give parents the tools to “think with ‘response-ability’—the ability to respond to situations and maintain curiosity toward life rather than a defensive stance” in our hectic world, he says.

That makes for happier families.

“It helps kids with their relationships and makes parents’ relationships stronger,” he says. “When folks learn these tools, they act with more ‘response-ability’ rather than in a reactive mode.”

Carol Brydolf ( cbrydolf@csba.org ) and Kristi Garrett ( kgarrett@csba.org ) are staff writers for California Schools.

Home work: Tools for schools and families

If necessity is the mother of invention, public schools often find themselves cast as midwives when it comes to parenting. Here are a few websites that can help schools help parents:

• Parent Involvement Policy Briefs
  CSBA, with help from the California Department of Education, has developed sample policies and other resources highlighting the importance of parent involvement, including legal requirements and policy development. In particular, “CSBA Policy Brief - Parent Involvement: Development of Effective and Legally Compliant Policies,” includes a Parent Involvement Policy Development Worksheet that provides step-by-step assistance in developing policies, along with questions to facilitate discussion.
• California Department of Education Parent/Family Web page
  This page is dedicated to resources that can help parents and family members become and stay involved in the education of their children.
• First 5 California 
  First 5 California is a state-funded nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the lives of California’s young children and their families through a comprehensive system of education, health services, child care and other crucial programs. Research, resources and links to local county affiliates are available on the site.
• The Parent Project
  The Parent Project is a parenting skills program developed largely by parents themselves as they sought answers to their questions about how to deal with their defiant teenagers. With 6,000 facilitators in 46 states, it is the largest court-mandated juvenile intervention program in the country.  This website’s home page  has a link to specialized programs, including programs for public and private schools.
• Anti-Gang Violence Parent Workbook
  This workbook includes lessons from the anti-gang violence curriculum for parents that are designed, in the words of its authors,  to help parents “address gang-related issues with their children through increased awareness, behavior modification and resources to support the family in making positive changes.“ The curriculum project was paid for by the California Attorney General’s Office and developed and piloted by the Orange County Office of Education. See also the facilitator handbook.